Fifty burgers, an alleyway, a next-door plumbers shop and a corner garage combine to make one of the most exciting locations for a Cape Town eatery called The Dog Bollocks.
If you are not at this burger joint before most restaurants are only just placing their glasses on the tables, then you’re too late. There are 50 burgers and that’s it. We learnt the hard way on our first attempt, being slightly lax because of the rainy, Cape weather and only arriving at 6:45pm. Access denied, come back again tomorrow night.
On our second attempt, we got behind the half-closed, metal roller door. You would be forgiven if by now you have a picture in your head of people with black beanies, trench coats and uncut facial hair, grouped around barrels with warming fires.
It definitely feels underground – like you stumbled across something that in-touch locals would only know about. The alleyway is narrow and somewhat intimidating but once you get to the grill, there is light! Here is the oasis and the heart of the establishment. There are lines of beautiful burgers the size of Frisbees being laid out on extra large burger buns, crisp on the outside, soft in the middle.
Confused, and maybe a little startled, you are given directions from friendly, business partners and chefs, Megan Eloff and Nigel Wood, as to how you get your hands around one of their badboys.
Nigel explains, “ I got bored of watching DVD’s, so we started this place”. He moved his cars out of the alley and one of the most exciting restaurants venues was created.
Step 1: Write you name and number of burgers on the blackboard.
Step 2: Let them know if you want a bottle of wine to go with your burger.
Step 3: Megan or Nigel will enquire what type of burger you’d like.
Step 4: Take a seat and wait to be called.
Step 5: This could probably be before step 1, but you can still go and get yourself a coollie from the garage or you could just stay with step 2.
Once seated at the white-wire garden furniture, that was particularly popular in the late 70s, you relax and get to take it all in. It strikes you as a contemporary type of eatery. There is no wastage. Little washing up (burgers come wrapped in paper). It has resurrected a wasted area. It feels like it could move in a second and pop up on the 22nd floor of a discarded skyscraper if it wanted to. It’s a street restaurant and that is what a burger is – designed to eat wherever.
Were these burgers so good that Capetonians (on a rainy mid-week evening) would rush to fill a dark alley, between a garage and a plumbers workshop to get a taste? The answer was a resounding: yes!
The burgers are delicious. No need for chips. They are complete without their old accomplice. Great, homemade patties surrounded by fresh lettuce, onion, cheese and hints of secret sauces and relishes. I had ordered a cheese burger in haste but on having a second glance at the chalkboard menu, I noticed there were many interesting variations. The Mexican Chilli looked wholesome, the Pepperberry Blue is on the list of things I need to eat before I die and the old School 1950’s Style Mega Slider inspires my curiosity for another visit.
The concept of The Dogs Bollocks is genius – if you do something this well, people will come!
It’s in and out dining and generally the metal roller door is down by around 9. On your way out pop your crumpled up paper in the bin and don’t forget to tick paid next to your name on the chalkboard. Another thing you can tick on your own personal list – I’ve dined in an alley way in an industrial part of town and eaten some of the best burgers you will taste anywhere!
Monday – Saturday: 5pm – 10pm
&
NOW OPEN
for Mucky Mary’s Hubcaps Famous “All-Day” Breakfasts
OR The Bitch’s Tits for their amazing “World Famous Sandwiches ‘n Stuff”
Monday – Friday: 7am – 4pm
Saturday: 9am – 2pm
Address: 6 Roodeheck Rd, Gardens · Cape Town, Western Cape · 8002
Contact: 083 440 7843
Cash only. No bank card facilities.
